Islamic NATO

TOP SECRET Letter to Anders Fogh Rasmussen, NATO Secretary General. For Mr Rasmussen's eyes only. CLASSIFIED.

Dear Sir,

I previously wrote to your predecessor, Jaap de Hoop Scheffer, regarding recommended changes to the NATO alliance structure, to alleviate Russian concerns about the alliance's intentions:


I did not receive any reply from him. I assume that is because I am a white Australian, and Mr Scheffer is from the Netherlands. I assume that most Dutch people are racist against Australians for whatever reason. The Dutch probably think they are better than everyone else. Whereas in fact they are a bunch of cowards. Did you see what they did in Bosnia? A whole lot of Muslims were killed because Dutch cowards didn't defend them. I'm glad I'm not Dutch. If I were Dutch, I'd be ashamed of myself.

Regardless, we're turning over a new leaf with you as the new leader. You are Danish instead of Dutch. The Danes are a great nation. Denmark provided troops to the 2003 Iraq war, which is something I supported very strongly. And I was SO HAPPY when Denmark joined the coalition of the willing in the Iraq war. Australia joined too, and I was so proud. Even though Australia isn't a member of NATO (it's not in the right area - North Atlantic), all Australians are enthusiastic supporters of NATO, since it was NATO that protected the world from Soviet communism. Also, all Danes that I have personally met have been very nice people. I don't know a single bad Dane. 0. Nada. None. So Denmark is a great country, and I would like to visit it one day. It is on the top of my list.

So with this new start, I would like to make a fresh proposal. With the Arab Spring, there are now new free countries such as Iraq, Tunisia, Egypt and Libya. I would like all 3 of these countries to be allowed into NATO, now that they are democracies. Could you please reach out to these countries immediately and ask them if they would like to join NATO? The stronger the free world gets, the better!!! However, there is one issue. These new countries are Muslim, and they might not be very trusting of the NATO organization, which is predominantly Christian countries. So my proposal is to make Turkey the head of NATO. BOTH the political AND the military sides, NOT just the political. And the new rule should be that the head of NATO political and military commands MUST BE A MUSLIM. This should be done not because NATO discriminates in favour of Muslims, but because NATO realises the importance of the new NATO countries to its future, and thus wants to ensure they are accorded appropriate respect, with regard to their importance. So because currently NATO only has 1 Muslim member, then that is why currently only Turkey can be in charge of NATO.

Note that it is very important that NATO take this action IMMEDIATELY. I don't mean in 1-2 days, I mean 1-2 hours. Because the brave Syrian freedom fighters are currently dying, and the loss of EVEN ONE Syrian because you delayed EVEN ONE hour is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. That is why after sending this letter to you, I will be following up with a phone call, to make sure my email wasn't blocked by your spam filter. In fact, now that I think about it, maybe that's why I never got a reply from Mr Scheffer. Maybe I said all those nasty things about him and his country mistakenly. If so, I apologize to him and all Dutch people. I failed to follow up my email with a phone call, so that I got confirmation that someone was working on my issue as their highest priority, given that I was an Australian, and Australia has spilled ENORMOUS amounts of blood protecting the human rights of the European people in WWI and WWII, so now that I think about it, I'm sure that no-one in NATO would ignore a letter from an Australian. It must definitely have been the spam filter that prevented me from getting a reply. What a fool I was to not phone and check, or follow-up! I know for sure that the continental European people are very grateful for Australia's great sacrifices for them, and every continental European I meet online is always happy when they find out that I am Australian, and they say things like "You're an Australian! Pleased to meet you! Thanks for saving our butts in World Wars 1 and 2!". This is every time I'm talking about. Every continental European, every time. Because continental Europeans are nice people themselves, and very grateful any time anyone offers them assistance. Continental Europeans are much better than e.g. the British, who call us names like "skip", which is short for "skippy", and is a highly derogatory word, and makes all Australian people insulted and hate the British. That's why in the area I live in, there are some British people here, and they wear the "Union Jack" flag on their shirt, and very often there are gangs of Australians (of all races, religions, sexes and nationalities) who beat them up, even killing them. About 3000 British people die every year in Australia due to these attacks by Australians. Even though I'm Australian, I don't join in those attacks. Even though I'm highly offended when a Pommy bastard calls me a "skip", I just ignore the insult and assume that that was just one bad apple, and that most British people are good, even though I've never met a nice British person yet personally. I assume that it was just bad luck that all 2000 British people I met online, when they found out I was Australian, said "Oh, you're a fucking skip? Then fuck off skippy". I am sad and traumatized by this terrible experience with the British, and I hope that one day I can go to Britain and be pleasantly surprised to find out that the British people are actually nice, and that the 2000 British I met online were only pretending to be British, and that they were really North Korean agents trying to make the British look bad by pretending to be British.

Anyway, moving on ...

I have already written to the Turkish military asking them to stage a coup d'etat and liberate Syria. I have asked them to go alone, so as to not scare the Syrian people who are all Muslims, and will thus only trust Muslim invaders. However, when Turkey does go in (any hour now I hope, I think they're trying to find 1000 people to translate my letter into Turkish), I would like them to go in as the UNDISPUTED HEAD of NATO. ie BOTH military and political. As I said, this is a life and death situation, and the Syrian people are VERY special to me. I won't tell you why I love Syrians so much, because that's a secret, but trust me, the Syrian people are the best and bravest people in the world, and if Syria is liberated, and then chooses of its own free will to join NATO, then trust me, NATO will be undefeatable. Because I know what the secret weapon is that they have. It's the one that the Israelis tried to bomb as well. But I know for a fact that they missed it. Actually, because I trust you, I'll let you in on the secret. It's a Death Ray. It's a FUCKING DEATH RAY. Assad is just 2 days away from completing his death ray, and then I know for a fact that he's planning on using his death ray to wipe Denmark off the face of the planet first. Since Denmark and Australia have been allies for more than 7000 years (and I first had sex when I was 12 years old, with an 11 year old girl), I decided to let you in on the secret. But do NOT let anyone else learn of this death ray. Because if they know that Assad has a death ray, they will panic and surrender to Assad instead of fighting him now, before he gets the death ray completed.

I think that should be enough for now.

Yours faithfully,
blah blah blah.

P.S. Can you please ask the Turks that when they liberate Syria they do NOT kill Bashar Assad. Assad is a doctor. A mad scientist in fact. And Assad has been working on a new lethal virus that will destroy the whole world. He's not quite completed it yet though, so it's still safe to go in. But DON'T KILL HIM. Because, as an offshoot to that virus-development, I also happen to know for a fact (via spies whose names I will not disclose for security reasons) that Assad has cured cancer. Which is just as well, because my wife is dying of cancer. Every night she screams herself to sleep, and it's driving me crazy because I love her so much and see her in so much pain. If the screams continue for 1 more day, I'm going to shoot her, to put her out of her misery. Her stupid religion prevents her from shooting herself, so I'm just going to take matters into my own hands and shoot her myself. UNLESS you can deliver Assad to me in less than 24 hours. Make a deal with him. Any deal at all to get him to Australia. I am a poor man, but I will give Assad $10,000 if he comes here willingly. Or you can just go in, hope he doesn't get killed accidentally during the war, and then grab him and bring him here to me. I know he has done many bad things, but if he cures my wife of cancer, which I know he can, and prevents me from shooting her dead, and miss her forever, then in my eyes, I don't care what he's done in the past, he's my hero because he saved my wife's life. Please hurry. In 24 hours from now I shoot my wife.

P.P.S. You can follow the countdown to the killing on my twitter account kerravon86




Abdullah Gul Please Take Action

Open letter to Abdullah Gul, Supreme Military Commander of the Turkish military

Dear Sir,

As you know, the Turkish military is one of the best in the world, perhaps even the very best, I'm not sure. Syria is not. Turkey can very easily liberate Syria, assisting the Syrian people to freedom in the same way that NATO assisted the Libyan rebels to freedom.

You now have a casus belli for war. A Turkish plane was shot down in international waters, in peacetime, by Syria. As NATO has already agreed, that was completely unacceptable. NATO is your independent reference point that lets you know that you are the good guy, and Assad is the bad guy.

Your Prime Minister, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, has said that he does not want war with Syria. I say that Erdogan is holding a morally bankrupt position. Turkey should be straining at the bit to have a war with Syria. Because Erdogan is morally bankrupt, and you are hopefully not, I request that you stage an immediate coup d'etat. I would rather see an unelected moral actor as head of state, than an immoral democratically-elected one. Similar to Fiji in fact.

I then request that you immediately launch an all-out assault on the Syrian dictatorship. I want the war to be won as quickly as possible. I don't want to see a Libyan-style slugfest taking many months. I want you to see if you can do it in 3 days. That produces the minimum number of casualties, which is what I want. I realise this potentially means more of your brave Turkish troops will die, than if you relied solely on soldiers of the FSA. However, I would hope that that sacrifice is something that the noble Turkish soldiers would be proud to make on the battlefield for human freedom.

I'm not sure if you've ever watched this movie:


But it is a truly beautiful movie, that makes me cry whenever I watch it. Australian Lighthorsemen perform a cavalry charge against the machine guns of Beersheba, in order to advance the borders of the free world.

That movie represents the situation we have right now. Instead of Australian Lighthorsemen, we have Turkish troops. There's no Australian troops there, not because Australian troops are cowardly, but because the Australian Prime Minister is a slimy immoral creature from the bottom of the ocean. I certainly didn't vote for her, but millions of immoral Australians did, and the immoral Australians outnumber the moral Australians such as John Howard who sent troops to Iraq. And instead of Beersheba, the place is Syria.

So I request that you:

1. Seize control in a coup d'etat.
2. Liberate Syria.
3. Return control of the state to Erdogan, and accept whatever punishment he metes out, even if it is the death sentence. This is YOUR noble sacrifice for freedom.

Please note - the fact that Turkey used to be the colonial administrator of Syria does NOT matter. That was a long time ago, when things were done very differently, and quite frankly, I couldn't give a shit what happened back then. I'm only interested in the brave Syrian people who are currently being slaughtered by the cruel Assad criminal gang (not a legitimate government in my eyes).

Please do NOT hesitate even for one single minute. Every extra minute we wait to take action means more chance of an innocent Syrian being killed. Every single life is important. If hesitating for 1 minute causes 1 Syrian to die, then that is 1 death too many. Because the Syrians are the bravest and most beautiful people on the planet. In my eyes at least.

Yours sincerely,
Paul Edwards, Australia.



Islamic State

Now that Egypt has voted for an Islamic government, which is basically an untested social experiment, we should do our best to ensure that this social experiment is conducted properly. ie not like communism where it was spread all over the world with zero testing. This is not like that. It's just one small country.

Ok, so first of all, in principle, a country without borrowing sounds appealing. I personally am highly reluctant to borrow. I did borrow to buy my first 2br apartment. But I had a deposit of 50% already. And originally I wanted to buy the place that I was renting - a 1br unit, which would have required possibly no borrowing at all. But they didn't want to sell it to us, so we moved out, and took a GAMBLE and because of Sydney house prices WE WON.

What do we do though? Do we fix house prices so that mathematically it doesn't make any difference if you borrow 0% or 100%? It's 4am here, and I think it's inappropriate to have to think about this too much at this point in time. But in short, it does sound appealing, and I'd like to know if the exact formula is outlined in the Quran or Hadiths.




Syrian Slogfest

We've had a breakthrough. Turkey has said "if Syrian troops approached Turkey's borders, they would be seen as a threat". It's altogether quite farcical of course. Syria is of absolutely no threat to Turkey. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that a whole farcical NATO session has been held, building up the pretense that Syria is indeed a threat, and that if Syrian forces *approach* the Turkish border then they will be seen as a threat. I'm not even sure how well the border is demarkated. All you need to do is set up plausible deniability. So here's how you do it.

Syrian tanks have basically been told that they can't *approach* the Turkish border. So e.g. if they were within about 1km or 500m, doesn't really matter, of reaching Turkey, then Turkey opens fire, destroying tanks or planes. What that means is that the rebels have a defacto 500m buffer zone, where they can set up shop, and receive weapons shipments in by sea from friendly countries. (basically religiously-bigotted Sunnis).

While normally I would not back a guerilla force, this is not normally. This is a situation where people are liable to defect, the military is comprised of Sunnis who definitely want to defect, given an opportunity. Even without a good way of getting weapons into the country, the Syrians rebels are managing to hold ground. How much more effective will they be with a weapon flow? And the weapons that they will be able to get access to are western weapons, to be used against Soviet crap. It's no longer a slam dunk for government weaponry. It is perhaps the end of the beginning. The focus now is to see just what is militarily possible to achieve by a rebel force in this situation. Basically military history needs to be written. We simply don't have data for this exact situation (government still able to fly planes, and not under threat of air attack either). It is vital for military science that we get this data point.

The fairy tales told about Vietnam do NOT provide this data point.

Godspeed my Syrian brothers.


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