Islamic NATO

TOP SECRET Letter to Anders Fogh Rasmussen, NATO Secretary General. For Mr Rasmussen's eyes only. CLASSIFIED.

Dear Sir,

I previously wrote to your predecessor, Jaap de Hoop Scheffer, regarding recommended changes to the NATO alliance structure, to alleviate Russian concerns about the alliance's intentions:


I did not receive any reply from him. I assume that is because I am a white Australian, and Mr Scheffer is from the Netherlands. I assume that most Dutch people are racist against Australians for whatever reason. The Dutch probably think they are better than everyone else. Whereas in fact they are a bunch of cowards. Did you see what they did in Bosnia? A whole lot of Muslims were killed because Dutch cowards didn't defend them. I'm glad I'm not Dutch. If I were Dutch, I'd be ashamed of myself.

Regardless, we're turning over a new leaf with you as the new leader. You are Danish instead of Dutch. The Danes are a great nation. Denmark provided troops to the 2003 Iraq war, which is something I supported very strongly. And I was SO HAPPY when Denmark joined the coalition of the willing in the Iraq war. Australia joined too, and I was so proud. Even though Australia isn't a member of NATO (it's not in the right area - North Atlantic), all Australians are enthusiastic supporters of NATO, since it was NATO that protected the world from Soviet communism. Also, all Danes that I have personally met have been very nice people. I don't know a single bad Dane. 0. Nada. None. So Denmark is a great country, and I would like to visit it one day. It is on the top of my list.

So with this new start, I would like to make a fresh proposal. With the Arab Spring, there are now new free countries such as Iraq, Tunisia, Egypt and Libya. I would like all 3 of these countries to be allowed into NATO, now that they are democracies. Could you please reach out to these countries immediately and ask them if they would like to join NATO? The stronger the free world gets, the better!!! However, there is one issue. These new countries are Muslim, and they might not be very trusting of the NATO organization, which is predominantly Christian countries. So my proposal is to make Turkey the head of NATO. BOTH the political AND the military sides, NOT just the political. And the new rule should be that the head of NATO political and military commands MUST BE A MUSLIM. This should be done not because NATO discriminates in favour of Muslims, but because NATO realises the importance of the new NATO countries to its future, and thus wants to ensure they are accorded appropriate respect, with regard to their importance. So because currently NATO only has 1 Muslim member, then that is why currently only Turkey can be in charge of NATO.

Note that it is very important that NATO take this action IMMEDIATELY. I don't mean in 1-2 days, I mean 1-2 hours. Because the brave Syrian freedom fighters are currently dying, and the loss of EVEN ONE Syrian because you delayed EVEN ONE hour is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. That is why after sending this letter to you, I will be following up with a phone call, to make sure my email wasn't blocked by your spam filter. In fact, now that I think about it, maybe that's why I never got a reply from Mr Scheffer. Maybe I said all those nasty things about him and his country mistakenly. If so, I apologize to him and all Dutch people. I failed to follow up my email with a phone call, so that I got confirmation that someone was working on my issue as their highest priority, given that I was an Australian, and Australia has spilled ENORMOUS amounts of blood protecting the human rights of the European people in WWI and WWII, so now that I think about it, I'm sure that no-one in NATO would ignore a letter from an Australian. It must definitely have been the spam filter that prevented me from getting a reply. What a fool I was to not phone and check, or follow-up! I know for sure that the continental European people are very grateful for Australia's great sacrifices for them, and every continental European I meet online is always happy when they find out that I am Australian, and they say things like "You're an Australian! Pleased to meet you! Thanks for saving our butts in World Wars 1 and 2!". This is every time I'm talking about. Every continental European, every time. Because continental Europeans are nice people themselves, and very grateful any time anyone offers them assistance. Continental Europeans are much better than e.g. the British, who call us names like "skip", which is short for "skippy", and is a highly derogatory word, and makes all Australian people insulted and hate the British. That's why in the area I live in, there are some British people here, and they wear the "Union Jack" flag on their shirt, and very often there are gangs of Australians (of all races, religions, sexes and nationalities) who beat them up, even killing them. About 3000 British people die every year in Australia due to these attacks by Australians. Even though I'm Australian, I don't join in those attacks. Even though I'm highly offended when a Pommy bastard calls me a "skip", I just ignore the insult and assume that that was just one bad apple, and that most British people are good, even though I've never met a nice British person yet personally. I assume that it was just bad luck that all 2000 British people I met online, when they found out I was Australian, said "Oh, you're a fucking skip? Then fuck off skippy". I am sad and traumatized by this terrible experience with the British, and I hope that one day I can go to Britain and be pleasantly surprised to find out that the British people are actually nice, and that the 2000 British I met online were only pretending to be British, and that they were really North Korean agents trying to make the British look bad by pretending to be British.

Anyway, moving on ...

I have already written to the Turkish military asking them to stage a coup d'etat and liberate Syria. I have asked them to go alone, so as to not scare the Syrian people who are all Muslims, and will thus only trust Muslim invaders. However, when Turkey does go in (any hour now I hope, I think they're trying to find 1000 people to translate my letter into Turkish), I would like them to go in as the UNDISPUTED HEAD of NATO. ie BOTH military and political. As I said, this is a life and death situation, and the Syrian people are VERY special to me. I won't tell you why I love Syrians so much, because that's a secret, but trust me, the Syrian people are the best and bravest people in the world, and if Syria is liberated, and then chooses of its own free will to join NATO, then trust me, NATO will be undefeatable. Because I know what the secret weapon is that they have. It's the one that the Israelis tried to bomb as well. But I know for a fact that they missed it. Actually, because I trust you, I'll let you in on the secret. It's a Death Ray. It's a FUCKING DEATH RAY. Assad is just 2 days away from completing his death ray, and then I know for a fact that he's planning on using his death ray to wipe Denmark off the face of the planet first. Since Denmark and Australia have been allies for more than 7000 years (and I first had sex when I was 12 years old, with an 11 year old girl), I decided to let you in on the secret. But do NOT let anyone else learn of this death ray. Because if they know that Assad has a death ray, they will panic and surrender to Assad instead of fighting him now, before he gets the death ray completed.

I think that should be enough for now.

Yours faithfully,
blah blah blah.

P.S. Can you please ask the Turks that when they liberate Syria they do NOT kill Bashar Assad. Assad is a doctor. A mad scientist in fact. And Assad has been working on a new lethal virus that will destroy the whole world. He's not quite completed it yet though, so it's still safe to go in. But DON'T KILL HIM. Because, as an offshoot to that virus-development, I also happen to know for a fact (via spies whose names I will not disclose for security reasons) that Assad has cured cancer. Which is just as well, because my wife is dying of cancer. Every night she screams herself to sleep, and it's driving me crazy because I love her so much and see her in so much pain. If the screams continue for 1 more day, I'm going to shoot her, to put her out of her misery. Her stupid religion prevents her from shooting herself, so I'm just going to take matters into my own hands and shoot her myself. UNLESS you can deliver Assad to me in less than 24 hours. Make a deal with him. Any deal at all to get him to Australia. I am a poor man, but I will give Assad $10,000 if he comes here willingly. Or you can just go in, hope he doesn't get killed accidentally during the war, and then grab him and bring him here to me. I know he has done many bad things, but if he cures my wife of cancer, which I know he can, and prevents me from shooting her dead, and miss her forever, then in my eyes, I don't care what he's done in the past, he's my hero because he saved my wife's life. Please hurry. In 24 hours from now I shoot my wife.

P.P.S. You can follow the countdown to the killing on my twitter account kerravon86

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