Wedding Vows

Kelly will be representing the Philippines
Paul will be representing Australia

Kelly should wear a traditional Filipina dress. And also have a Philippines flag. I will wear a T-shirt with the real Australian flag on it (boxing kangaroo), and a hat with corks on it (thanks to my younger sister for telling me how to obtain these items). I also hold an Australian flag.

Then a ceremony (that starts in the woman's language, then has the man's language, and possibly if neither of those is English, then English as a third language) that goes something like this:

We are gathered here today to join together two great nations - the Philippines and Australia (always give the woman's nation priority). This union is done for God, and has no legal basis.

Today Kelly is representing the Philippines and Paul is representing Australia. Hopefully this ceremony will be repeated by others.

First we will play the national anthems. Note that if you are seeing the recording of this, we may have to dub out the sound due to copyright reasons. We encourage you to buy the CDs to get better quality and so that we don't get complaints about loss of revenue. We'll be claiming fair use regardless.

Philippines will probably play this song, somewhat regarding the 1986 People Power revolution.


I know what I want. I want "Men at Work" "Down Under" which you can see here:


Paul (doing "laban" for the oath-swearing): I recognize the beauty of the Philippines nation. The nation that gave birth to the People Power Revolution. The only nation on earth that is not full of anti-white racists. Because I am in love with this beautiful people, I hereby pledge to protect them with my life, using hard science as a weapon. I would rather die than allow a communist dictatorship that kills its own children in Tiananmen Square to spread its evil ideology to any part of the Philippines, including the Spratly Islands. I will never ask for more from the Philippines than it is able or willing to give. And I won't complain too often that the Philippines is the only Asian country with pretty crappy traditional food. This pledge will remain in force while ever both nations are secular capitalist liberal democracies.

Kelly (not sure if "laban" is appropriate for a woman, maybe hand on heart instead?): I recognize the beauty of the Australian people, who, when the free world is in danger, can always be counted on to sacrifice blood and treasure so that we are able to live in freedom today. I will not demand perfection from my protector, but instead I will find out what its innate limitations are and not complain about it being unwilling to go beyond those. In particular I won't complain too often about the ridiculous Australian accent. I will instead praise it regularly for his strengths. And I will love it for as long as it remains a secular capitalist liberal democracy that is protecting another secular capitalist liberal democracy.

Angel (prostitute): Please exchange flags. In the power invested in me as one of God's Angels, I hereby pronounce you great allies. You will both need to apply for NATO membership so that both of you can both protect and be protected by other secular capitalist liberal democracies in a more formal arrangement. You may now kiss the bride.

P.S. No wedding gifts will be allowed except to sign this petition on whitehouse.gov to start a Manhattan Project 2 to find out the root cause of anti-Americanism. I need 150 signatures. Please do not insult an ideological wedding by bringing material gifts.

P.P.S. Venue will be Manila, Philippines. Date hasn't been set yet, as I need to earn the money to afford Kelly's dream wedding first.

P.P.P.S. Please travel by Philippine Airlines to get there, if possible. Hopefully they won't crash the friggin plane.

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