English Language

Ok, time to give away the REAL secret. This so-called War on Terror is just a front. I'm surprised no-one has been able to figure it out. Everyone wants to know what Bush's "real reason" for going to Iraq was. Well, here it is. It's not just Bush's real reason, it is the real reason of EVERY native English speaker. Even the ones who deny it are just part of the conspiracy. They'll swear blind that they're not, and it just goes to show what excellent actors we all are.

There is only one thing that the Anglophones really care about. It's not human rights. It's not democracy. It's just one thing - we want to be able to travel around the world without requiring those bloody annoying "translation books". They wouldn't be so bad if the foreigners could get organized so that we only have to buy one of them. But instead, the foreigners seem to expect us to buy a different book for every damn country! It'd be so much simpler if people just learnt to speak English. And that, my friends, is exactly what the "master plan" is.

Actually we really don't have anything against Osama Bin Laden. That whole 9/11 thing was just a misunderstanding between friends. No-one cares if Osama says "slay the infidels" on his videotapes. Why? Because the guy is decent enough to provide English subtitles when he does so. The man cares about us. He really cares. He's a nice guy. I've yet to hear of an Arab who is unhappy or unwilling to learn English. Ditto for Muslims. These people are NOT our enemies. This whole "War on Terror" thing is just designed to get us closer to our REAL target. The one people standing in the way of us being able to forget about those darn translation books. And that, my friends, is FRANCE. Yep, France. You can look at Anglophone history for centuries and centuries, and it all goes back to the one target - getting the French to learn English.

China is not our enemy. That whole "reds under the bed" thing was another misunderstanding. The fact is you can find schools in China with signs that say "Please speak English when you enter our school". Here is one which my Chinese wife took:

No-one forced them to do this. The fact is the Chinese of their own free will chose to join with us against the French. We're just wanting to make sure that the Chinese policy is predictable, so we need them to be democratic. That is why the war against France hasn't started yet. We're still trying to clear up these misunderstandings prior to the final onslaught. A Chinese dictator could potentially force the Chinese people to learn French, and that would be unthinkable. So, we need to get the Chinese properly on board first. And so for the moment we pretend that France is our ally.

When my wife was a receptionist in a hotel in China, there was a French woman who was trying to order breakfast in Mandarin. My wife tried speaking to her in English, and she snapped back "I'm French, not English". This is the face of the true enemy. Just imagine a world where everyone has a common language, and you can travel anywhere and be understood. The European Union could actually use English as their working language, and not have to waste resources to translate documents. Only one country stands in the way of Utopia, and the name is France.

Us Anglophones have gone to a lot of effort to get the French to let down their guard. There were a couple of UK vs US wars and a US vs US war, which were fought purely so that the French would think we were divided. We're not. We are united in purpose. Every class, every race, every nationality, both sexes. And here's something I've never revealed before. And I swear I'm not making this up. This ganging up against France was actually one of the revelations I received in Sept 2004 - God let me know what the big picture was. We're not stopping at just turning every country into a rational, humanist, non-subjugating government. That's just a minor stepping stone towards the ultimate goal.

I can reveal all of this to you now because it is too late for the French to do anything. The French could have tried to form some sort of anti-Anglophone alliance, but they were unable to convince anyone to join their side. Instead, everyone joined us. And before you say "is this actually legal?", well, we've thought of that too. When the French conquered England in 1066, technically England became France. So for legal purposes, when we invade continental France, all we'll be doing is "returning home". The dumbest thing France ever did was to be the last people to conquer England. Real dumb. And all this "forgive and forget" stuff doesn't actually apply to France. Nope. Every Anglophone remembers 1066 like it happened yesterday. We can forgive Japan for that whole "death march" thing, because the Japanese turned around and started learning English. So they became our friends and allies. No grudges there.

So, if you really want to understand how the world works, here you have it in a nutshell. All actions can be explained if you consider the ulterior motive of making English the global lingua franca and putting an end to the "le" and "la" insanity. Not one action the Anglophones have taken contradicts this basic goal. For centuries. So join with us brother Arabs, brother Muslims, and all the brothers and sisters in China, and together let's put France out of its misery. Au revoir, Froggy, au revoir.

UPDATE: Here is the scope of the problem in figures. Only 71.9% of the French are learning English as their second language in primary school. There's the enemy, folks.

UPDATE 2: Yet more.

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?